Perfectionism

You may find yourself thinking:

• “I should have done better.”

• “If I can't do it perfectly, I shouldn't do it.”

• “I can't make a mistake.”

• “Everyone is going to notice what I did wrong.”

• “I should be able to handle everything.”

• “I have to get this right.”

• “I could have done more.”

• “I'm not good enough.”

Signs of Perfectionism May Include:

• Setting unrealistic expectations for yourself

• Being extremely self-critical

• Fear of making mistakes

• Difficulty accepting criticism

• Comparing yourself to others

• Procrastinating because you fear doing something incorrectly

• Difficulty completing tasks because they never feel “good enough”

• Repeatedly checking or correcting your work

• Difficulty delegating or asking for help

• Feeling guilty when resting

• Difficulty celebrating accomplishments

• Feeling anxious when things are outside of your control

• Avoiding new experiences because you might fail

• Feeling that your worth depends on your performance

Perfectionism can affect many areas of life, including work, school, parenting, relationships, appearance, finances, and personal goals.

From the outside, perfectionism can look like motivation or success. On the inside, it can feel like pressure, anxiety, self-doubt, and never feeling like you are enough.

How Can Therapy Help With Perfectionism?

Therapy can help you understand where your perfectionistic expectations come from and how they affect the way you think, feel, and behave.

The goal isn't to stop caring about doing well. Instead, therapy can help you develop high standards without impossible standards.

In Therapy, You May Learn To:

Identify Perfectionistic Thinking
Recognize all-or-nothing thinking, unrealistic expectations, excessive self-criticism, and the belief that mistakes equal failure.

Understand Where Perfectionism Comes From
Explore past experiences, family expectations, relationships, fears, and beliefs that may have contributed to your need to be perfect.

Challenge Unrealistic Expectations
Learn to question the “shoulds” and rules you place on yourself and determine whether they are realistic or necessary.

Develop Self-Compassion
Learn to treat yourself with understanding rather than constantly criticizing yourself for falling short.

Become More Comfortable With Mistakes
Learn that making mistakes does not mean you are incapable, unsuccessful, or unworthy.

Let Go of “Good Enough” Guilt
Practice recognizing when something is complete and acceptable rather than continuing to work toward an impossible standard.

Reduce Fear of Failure
Explore what failure means to you and learn to see mistakes as opportunities for learning rather than evidence that you are not good enough.

Learn to Rest Without Guilt
Understand that you don't have to earn rest through productivity or achievement.

Therapy Can Help You Move From:

“If it's not perfect, it's a failure.”
→ “Something can be imperfect and still be successful.”

“I should have done more.”
→ “I can recognize and appreciate what I have accomplished.”

“I can't make mistakes.”
→ “Mistakes are part of being human and learning.”

“I have to earn my worth.”
→ “My worth isn't determined by my performance.”

“I need to have everything under control.”
→ “I can learn to tolerate uncertainty and let go of what I cannot control.”

The Goal of Therapy

The goal of therapy is not to take away your desire to succeed or do things well. It is to help you develop a healthier relationship with achievement, mistakes, expectations, and yourself.

You can care deeply about doing a good job without believing you have to do everything perfectly.

You can make mistakes without believing you are a failure.

You can rest without feeling guilty.

And you can learn that being human is not the same thing as being perfect.

Therapy can help you replace the pressure to be perfect with greater self-compassion, flexibility, confidence, and acceptance.